See? This is why...

Gorilla Sparks Panic, Injures Four People

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (May 18) - A 400-pound gorilla escaped from his enclosure and ran amok in a Rotterdam zoo Friday, biting one woman, dragging her around, and causing panic among dozens of visitors before he was finally subdued, officials and a witness said.

Hell freaking yea! Wait, there's more...

"He got over the moat, which in itself is remarkable, because gorillas can't swim," Dorrestijn said. "He got onto a path for visitors and started running and went at full speed through tables and diners at the Oranje restaurant."

Holy crap is that great! Some snooty broad sitting at the table ordering, "Yes, I'll have the Roast Duck with a side of GUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's not over yet!

People tried to hide inside the restaurant and were trying to bar the door, but fled as the gorilla approached, De Jonge said. Bokito then punched through the glass door and ran inside.
Picture that. The gorilla finds the door locked, so he punches the friggin' thing and (hopefully) reaches through, unlocks it and runs right into the place. That's one smart ape.

Don't forget, this is Amsterdam. How many stoners just sat there smoking J's and turned to their neighbor to ask, "Yo, did a gorilla just run through here?"

So to recap, this gorilla broke out of his pen, SWAM ACROSS A MOAT, barrelled through a restaurant, punched out a window to break into a bar then proceeded to cap off his day by biting a woman's arm and dragging her around. Oh yea, he's 400 pounds.

What happens with a 700lb gorilla? Does he rape the woman after destroying the zoo with the Fighter Plane he built out of feces? This is why they shouldn't be allowed to play in the NFL.